Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Christmas with the Crazys: a holiday card letter

The holiday season is still a special time of year, even for an atheist like me. We do a Christmas Eve supper with friends, lots of presents for the kids, and this year we even have our own house, and our tree was up before the 20th of December! (personal record since the Monkey was born) Granted, I have trouble with the whole garland thing. This year it looks okay on the tree, but the stuff I put up around the house looks more like Christmas Creeping Kudzu.
Anyhow, we have been trying to establish some holiday traditions and memories for our little family that don't involve poop, pregnancy or pets destroying the decorations. I like the concept of family traditions. I am not exactly terrific with the execution, but I do my best.
The one tradition I just can't get behind is the Christmas letter. The purpose behind these seems to be threefold:
1. To brag to people you hardly ever see about how incredibly awesome/talented/brilliant your children are, how successful/nurturing/amazing your spouse is, and how God just loves you a little more than most people.
2. To subtly imply that everyone else should feel just a little cheated that their lives are not nearly as incredible and full of JOY and LOVE and SHINY THINGS as yours. Also, you are a better person, with more interesting and meaningful hobbies/jobs/friend than theirs.
3. To give the impression that life is just great, when in truth it could be a stinking pile of feces.

I have nothing in particular against the first one. I can brag with the best of them, when I have something to brag about. As long as you are doing it with the motivation of making someone else feel happy for you, or sharing your happiness. Mostly that doesn't seem to be the case. The letter becomes a kind of "Haha, my life is better than yours is!"

This year, I have decided to write my own letter. Yes, I know it is last minute, and I am not gonna get anything more than eCards out at this point, but dammit, last minute is how I roll.

Dear Friends, Family and Whoever has a Sh*t left to give,

It has been an eventful year, here in the Crazy household. From a summer vacation in exotic Vancouver, to moving house without use of sedatives, it has been non-stop excitement!
 Thrilled to report, Kitten got her official autism diagnosis for Christmas!  She has been flapping and spinning for some time now, but we haven't been sure that it wasn't just "typical" toddler behaviour. So great to know that our darling girl isn't merely "typical". I have cut screen time down to 8 hours per day, and as challenging as it is fill the extra hours with non-Dora related content, the increase in destructive use of toys is SO worth it. I have been coping getting along with tolerating enjoying the intrution visits of Monkey's therapists and so look forward to adding Kitten's to the daily routine.

And speaking of special, Monkey hasn't smeared poop on the walls since August, and is almost always peeing in the potty, just in time for his 6th birthday! He has just blossomed this summer, what with the speaking in sentences that don't quote Cars (tm)! When I can pry his iPad from his hands, he has even been known to say full sentences, like "Get out my room, Kitten" and "Want my iPad NOW, Mumum!"

Hubs switched jobs, and no longer has the  excuse  reason  burden of a long commute to keep him from the bosom of his loving family. The children just shower him with affection when he gets home, sometimes even acknowledging his presence within less than a half an hour, even when they haven't had a potty accident!

Even the cats have been contributing to the joy of our household, considerately confining their malicious accidental peeing and defecation to the kid's play area, where there are easily discarded floor mats and stuffed toys to piss on!

 Me, I have just been busy, busy, busy, with providing enriching opportunities for the kids and cleaning up  the debris. With my med change is coming up,  I am just so excited for this new opportunity! Now I can use all the money spent on self medication with alcoholic beverages to replace the crap the kids have destroyed!

 Merry Christmas! Happy non-denominational whatever!
Kermommy
Stay at Home Crazy

 What do you think? Totally full of spirit and inspiration, right? A new tradition in the making!



12 comments:

  1. <3 Sounds like you had a lovely year!

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    1. Actually, we did have a good year, for all of the stress and change. Not sugar coated sunshine, but still, a pretty good year, and hopefully, more to come. Merry Christmas Mac!

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  2. Love your style and will follow your blog!! <3

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    1. Thanks, and welcome on the crazy train.

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    2. I have 3 kids, one with Cerebral Palsy. He is 10. I can relate to so many things you talk about. :)

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  3. Omg... this is awesome, hilarious and so been there... my 3 are now bigger... 21yr son NT, 19 yr daughter-autism, 17yr son -autism... i remember those days of exploding diapers with the filling covering every bit of floor space & the walls with poop... the walls still haunt me to this day... LOL... I hate to say it but so glad Autism Dad, shared your blog... I am a new follower... and can't wait to read the next post... and before I go... I think xmas newsletters are exactly what you said... LOL, I just opt to send out hand made cards with our usual horrible photo of my 3 making their famous " I hate this crap" faces, wouldn't be xmas with out it ...

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    1. Gotta have traditions, right? Autism Daddy is awesome. I owe him an eggnog and a cookie. :)

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  4. I like it. My white trash family of mirth used to read those CHRISTMAS LETTERS OF WONDER AND LIGHT from our wealthy relatives and howl with laughter. This year because I'm too poor to send gifts I wrote letters to a ton of people for Christmas but they weren't Christmas letters just regulation letters like hi h how ya doing the cat sicked up in my shoe. I think I sent out about 30 or so letters. This is a long post considering you don't know who the hell I am. Hi! I'm Rebecca Loudon.

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    1. Hello Rebecca! Yep, my sister in law can spin almost any event into a triumph for herself and God and everybody, and her Christmas letters make me alternately snort and cringe. That and the fact that they are pretty much form letters...ugh. I would rather get a fruitcake. Please to meetcha!

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  5. Congratulations on the new home - and the chance to decorate. We've been in our home for 10 years and live in hope that someday we'll be able to put the presents under the tree hours - possible even days - before Christmas. But for now, my 12-year-old autistic granddaughter still doesn't have the patience to wait to open them. Not just hers, but all of them. My sister-in-law who writes letters like your list (and for the same reasons) wouldn't understand so I had to respond to your Christmas blog. Because you do get it. Wishing you a joyous new year, knowing that your joys will be different, just as ours are.

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    1. Thank you, I am really happy to have a real home this year for the first time since I moved out of my parents' place, some 25 years ago. Yup, managed to keep all but one gift out of the destructive reach of the toddler, and my son has somehow morphed into the Christmas Gift Guardian this year. The fights are sort of worth it. I think. The best part is that once she got her first gift, she lost interest, and the Monkey got to open ALL the gifts. They both had a merry Christmas this year.

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  6. Abbie an old mom26 December 2013 05:00

    It's so nice to read someone connected as parents we are. Never read you or autism daddy til my day after xmas started at 5am. I'm glad i got the chance. New reader thank you and keep up the good work blog, home, it all... ya make it as tho someone else lives the hoot known as my life and what it throws at me daily.

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